Boundaries…Set Them!
I was going through my list of topics on my imaginary shelf in my head today and decided upon “Boundaries” to talk about.
I picked this one as it is a topic I wish I had learned how to handle better at a much younger age. I always had trouble with setting boundaries, never feeling it was ok to do so, and would end up doing things or going places that I didn’t really enjoy, rather than risk hurting someone else. And in turn I ended up emotionally exhausted. I guess that’s because as an introvert, I just get so worn out, so fast, dealing with people.
Having boundaries doesn’t have to mean you walk around with a “Do Not Disturb” sign stuck to your forehead, but we all have limits to what we can handle and it’s important to speak up about those limits.
It’s also important to recognize everyone has different levels of limits. Respecting others and their boundaries is just as important.
Over the years because I read a lot, watch people and listen to others I have learned to set boundaries, and it is one of the best gifts I have given myself! So I want to pass this on to you.
I have learned to say NO. (And I know that it’s ok, I don’t feel guilty doing it). And not a wishy washy NO with a question mark at the end, but a firm, friendly NO…so the person I’m talking with understands without a doubt, my answer is NO…..final answer.
I deserve to be respected. If someone makes noise about my boundaries, that isn’t showing me respect, and that’s not ok in my books.
For Example
I had a girlfriend a few years ago, we had known each other for a couple of years, and spent quite a bit of time together. She knew I had struggles with anxiety and I was having trouble with that while working more hours than I could handle.
I hadn’t talked to her for a while, I just wasn’t mentally able to handle work and social time. Then one day I received an email from her…blasting me for not talking to her. EVEN AFTER I TOLD HER I WAS HAVING ANXIETY ISSUES! a week or so prior to this!
I was so upset and shocked, then it hit me. She wasn’t being respectful of me or my boundaries, after being told many times that I couldn’t handle as much on my plate as she could.
So I decided to look out for myself for once. I ended the friendship and haven’t looked back. I felt empowered and lighter, like a huge weight had crumbled and fallen off my shoulders.
So I no longer worry about others’ expectations, and I know my needs are important too. And like I said earlier, it’s important to respect others’ boundaries. Even if you don’t understand or agree with them. Take it as their answer and leave it be.
Benefits of Boundaries
Once you learn to set and make your limits known, watch your self esteem soar. You will feel better about yourself and start believing you deserve to be treated with respect.
You will be able to conserve your energy emotionally and feel lighter and have a feeling of confidence, independence, and self worth!
You must make yourself a priority. You can’t pour from an empty cup, so look after yourself!
Life Experience Wisdom
*Set boundaries with family and friends. Explain why and be firm saying it.
*Learn to say NO. Do it to preserve your mental health. Being pushed past your limits constantly isn’t healthy.
*Don’t feel guilty. Just don’t.
*Accept that you need to make yourself a priority.
Always remember….to be able to pour from your cup, you need to keep it full, so look after yourself!
Cheers til next time!
Grace
My Motto
When life throws baseball size lemons at you, that smack you upside the head, stomp on those damn things and make yourself a cocktail!