The Talk – Part Two
Good Morning! As promised a few articles ago, I’m going to do Part Two of The Talk today.
More fun things for you to look forward to as you age. Can you feel the sarcasm…because it’s there!
And I’m sure you’ll react like I did when I was warned…thinking…OK, that’s not going to be me! Is it??
And I laughed and laughed…well karma is a bitch, because here I am!
Let’s start shall we. First let’s deal with your skin.
For Example
I was out with my Bestie J, we were having an old broads get out of town day, she was driving. We were gabbing away when I looked down at the back of my hand and gasped out loud…”What the hell is wrong with my hand. I had put hand cream on before I left the house. So it wasn’t dry skin. I know that Sahara Desert dry skin look. That wasn’t it.
Then it hit me, I knew exactly what it was. Flashbacks of my childhood came flooding back to me, all of my Mother’s old lady friends sitting in the living room drinking tea at their Tupperware meeting!
I remember being surrounded with this skin on these old ladies. The dreaded ”Old Lady Crepe Skin!” Tiny little folds of crinkly, yet soft skin stacking against each other like a baby sandbar in the ocean.
Holy Hell…I had hit the Crepe Skin chapter of my life! Again flashbacks of me saying…”I’ll know I’m old when I get the old lady skin.” Well here I am…I’m old!
I yelled “Look!” Bestie J looked down at my hand and laughed, then showed me her hand. “Mine too!” she said. I replied “Oh well, then I don’t feel so bad!”
And we laughed and the conversation changed to all our old lady ailments, which is always good for belly aching, tears running down our cheeks moments.
Your Hearing
You will start turning up the t.v. in the living room to catch everything said, and turn down the radio in the car to think.
Your Eyesight
You will catch yourself wondering why labels are now written in a number two font (they aren’t) and have to wear reading glasses and maybe get a hand held magnifying glass to read instructions on things.
(Pro level tip….take a picture of the label with your phone and zoom in to read it. I damn near went blind trying to read labels. You’re welcome.
Your Memory
You will need multiple pairs of those reading glasses, because when you set them down, you may not remember where you put them. And I promised my daughter I wouldn’t put them on a chain around my neck, (guess that’s her… you know you’re an old lady when moment….lol) But I get extra exercise wandering around looking for them…so that’s a plus! Lemons to cocktails kind of thing!
I also get extra exercise by putting empty frozen food boxes directly in the recycle bin. I have to walk back and forth because I forget what the temp and cooking times are! So that’s a thing now.
Let’s see…what else…Oh yes the ever popular…I walk into a room. Nope not the start of a joke, well maybe it is. I walk into a room and instantly forget what I came in for! Damn it! Looking around, maybe something will tweak my memory….nope, back I walk to where I was, (again extra exercise) yes, now I remember. And I’ve learned to say out loud what it is, so I don’t forget again before I get what I was after in the first place.
Kind of ironic…I’m sitting here looking around trying to remember things I forget! Lol
Oh and write things down. Just trust me on this one. A shopping list, to do list, whatever it is, if you don’t write it down it will leave you quicker than poop through a goose.
Ok one more, because again I don’t want to overwhelm you young things.
Sneezing
When I tell you young women to do your kegel exercises like the nurses will tell you after having a baby….C section might as well do them too… Do Them!
This is a listen to me moment. Thirty years from now you will remember me telling you.
And if you did do them, then you will be saying “Thank gawd I listened to that old lady years ago.
And if you don’t plan to do them, well then you better start stocking up your underwear supply, because you are going to be wetting your bloomers every time you sneeze!
Thank gawd I listened to the old lady that told me because I am 62 and can sneeze like a 20 yr old.
High fives all round for me!
Ok that’s it for today, I’m heading out with Bestie J for a little shopping/lunch/girlfriend time.
Life Experience Wisdom
*Laugh at and embrace the aging process, it will help you deal with it.
*Talk it out with your Bestie, you aren’t alone. Time stands still for no one.
*Oh and I almost forgot…buy lots of those reading glasses for the memory thing! Lol
Thanks for stopping by, cheers til next time!
Grace
P.S. Regarding kegel exercises, consult your doctor, I’m no expert, I just know what worked for me!
My Motto
When life throws baseball size lemons at you, that smack you upside the head, stomp on those damn things and make yourself a cocktail!